Stay With Me

Tonight, I was supposedly gonna blog about the Drama camp I had today, but as I type that post, a sudden rush of emotions ran through me as explained in the song.

Now warning. I'm gonna type something only a certain amount of people gonna understand.

I know what I'm waiting for isn't there for me. Like, even if I wait, there's no end result. I really feel like crap knowing that I can't do anything about it. I'm trying and hoping that maybe something will happen for me, be in good or bad in your eyes. I waited and searched for so long for the right person and even if I know what I want, the biggest obstacle is who else but me?

I am my biggest obstacle. I know what's right and what's wrong but I can't classify myself. I am unable to sit my ass down and think hard about what in reality is good for me. If I was living in a world that follows suit to what I need, I know what I want, but it doesn't work that way in real life.

To those who know, I really love this person. I can't say yes nor can I say no. Sometimes I cry just thinking about it. It makes me feel even worst because I'm the only one in my circle of friends that is going through this.

To You:
You know how I feel and I know how you feel and I guess it's better than keeping it all inside. I can't force you to change but know that I'm always here for you, even if it's for... Exactly. Just be what you are now, the person that I love most.

I know that there's no way that I can be with you. Even though your embrace is what I long for and your presence is what I crave, I just want to be able to stare into your eyes and tell you how much I really love you. The least I can settle for is the blooming friendship that you and I have developed.

I must admit, for the past few weeks, my mind has nothing but your name. Sitting through Physics, Maths, Chemistry etc, the words and formulas couldn't register because I could only think of you and only you. It's either your smile or your name. Sometimes I just want to shout it out loud, hoping you'd hear and comfort me.

One of my best friends, for one knows how I feels but obviously can't comprehend it. No one could comprehend actually. I just want you to be yourself. I'm just glad after the confessionals you never treated me differently.

I do wish to spend more time with you. The last time we went out, I swear that was the first time in many years I took risks and learned so many new things.

I am glad to have met you. Even though my preconceived judgements were right and then I thought it was wrong but actually was right anyway, confusing, I know. I kinda liked you from the first moment I laid my eyes on you. Even before that I was already thinking of you because your name seemed so attractive. I guess that's where my craziness started to flutter like the speed of a bee's wings when its collecting nectar. Even before I saw you - the name started to linger around my head. What does that tell you?

Crazy? Yep.

Just so you know, I am proud of the person you grown from. I shall never take those words back.

I love you. I really do. I'm just glad you understand how I feel.

To those who don't understand, or don't know what I am going through, please do not pretend like you know. Please, that's the least I need right now. Just read and tag if you want to. Much love.